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Avoiding remarks that may cause your kids guilt during divorce

On Behalf of | Mar 14, 2019 | Divorce |

Going through a divorce can understandably feel difficult. If you have children, they will likely also feel a number of emotions as everyone in the family learns to live their lives a little differently. Because you certainly want to ensure that your children do not experience more emotional turmoil during this time than necessary, you may want to watch what you say.

Kids of all ages can take more information to heart than many Colorado parents may realize. You may have made an off-hand comment more than once not thinking that your children would understand or that they would forget about it later. However, that may not always be the case, especially if your comments pertain to their other parent.

What not to say to kids during divorce

Depending on the way you feel about your ex-spouse, the possible comments you could make vary. If your relationship did not end on the best of terms, you may feel more likely to spout off a negative remark every now and then. Before you do, you may want to remember the effect your words could have on your kids. In efforts to avoid causing them guilt or confusion, you may want to avoid remarks like the following examples:

  • “I wanted us to stay a family, but Mommy/Daddy didn’t.” Comments like this one can place a substantial amount of blame on the other parent, and your children may feel confused and upset due to thinking that their other parent did not want them.
  • “You are just like your mother/father.” Using the other parent and their connection to that parent as an insult to your children can make them worry that they will lose your love.
  • “I’ll be lonely while you’re gone.” You may consider this remark harmless because you are letting your kids know that you want them to be with you, but really, it can make them feel guilty for spending time with the other parent or that your happiness relies on them.
  • “Your mom/dad is a deadbeat.” Really, any negative remarks about the other parent are best avoided when talking to the kids because it puts the children in the position of feeling as if they have to choose one parent over the other.

Understandably, you may need to vent throughout your divorce because of the difficulties you face. However, venting to your children may only result in more issues. Instead, you may want to focus on finding the best child custody arrangements for your kids and find adult support to help you through your case.